That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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