summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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