i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
