There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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