and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
