We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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