i think i have herpe
just one?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
