I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
