worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
