Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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