Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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