So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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