he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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