areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
