I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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