you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
