so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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