I'm gonna have a badass scar
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
