i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
love makes seman taste better
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize