Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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