Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
