Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
