batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
