I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
