just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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