my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize