have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
