guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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