She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize