it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
