I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
