Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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