I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
