Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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