All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
