I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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