I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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