I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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