dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
