can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
