Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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