I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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