I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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