is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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