I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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