Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
