I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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