Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
