I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i permit you to call me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
