i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
