Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
