I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
