wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
