My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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