that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
