Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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