I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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