Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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