woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
