My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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