I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
