I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
