apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
