If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
