8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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