I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
