This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
