I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
