im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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