You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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