Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
