3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
