I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
