Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
