turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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