After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
