I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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