I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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