i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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