I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
