The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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